What’s something most people don’t understand?

A lot of people feel they just can’t help it. They “fall in love”and they are powerless to their emotions and how they feel.  

It works the other way too. How many times have you heard that someone “fell out of love” and moved on?

I offer another view.  We are not a victim of our feelings. Married for twenty-five years, I believe love is a choice.

Infatuation is real. When we meet someone we are intensely attracted to, faults are sometimes ignored as we focus on how “perfect” they are.  We feel happy and life is bliss.

Over time we notice they are not so “perfect.” We realize we are unhappy again as we focus on all of their perceived faults.

Maybe we bought into the myth that someone could “make us happy.” On the contrary, our happiness is our responsibility.

If we understood that everyone is a mirror, we could put the focus back on ourselves and ask the questions:

What is this bringing up for me? What needs healing? What would love do now? Who am I and what do I want?

I had major commitment and intimacy issues and so I  wanted to leave in the early times of our relationship. Infatuation does end and then real love can take place, if we choose it.  For my part, we’ve been together for as long as we have because I made a choice to love him one day at a time.

One memory stands out.

I was in a funk yet decided to put on all of the songs we played when we first met. I went back into my memory and relived those moments. I remembered all of the reasons why I loved him and before I knew it, I felt head over heels in love, yet again. This happened because of the choice I made and what I chose to focus on. Love comes from within.  I talk in more detail about this in my memoir and online course.

When issues came up, as will happen in a close relationship, I chose to forgive him.  By doing so, I was in essence loving myself a little bit more. If I am hard on him, it’s because I’m hard on myself. When I am more gentle with myself, and offer myself more compassion, I am better able to offer that to another.   

I wanted this relationship to work so I made a choice to love him one day at a time.

That’s what I needed.

This has allowed my heart to open and to better learn what it means to love myself and another more fully. What a ride.

I am still learning.