How many times have you had an issue with another and instead of going directly to that person, you vented to them or to another? Don’t get me wrong, venting to a trusted source and getting to the root of your feelings is important…but you have to take the next step.
Most of us are dysfunctional in many ways. We learned by example, by trial and error, and we learned how to survive. We have to look at our dysfunctions so that we can see the error of our ways and teach children the healthy way to communicate. At our school we teach young students HOW to talk to each other when in conflict. We teach, by example and by practicing, how to get calm first and then how to have that healthy dialogue that helps problem solve. Students learn how to take responsibility for their feelings using “I” statements. I am thrilled that a generation of students are learning these powerful and important skills.
But we adults must practice the same healthy dialogue! We must! It is easy to rant at another, hide behind a computer, gossip, spread rumors. It takes a lot of strength to look at yourself and how you are contributing to something. It takes a lot of strength to have a crucial conversation with another and share your frustrations or feelings. I hear over and over again how “I just don’t want to hurt their feelings.” But in the long run you are doing more harm by holding it in or getting it out in destructive ways. By being real and authentic, you clear the negative energy, share from your heart and allow an opportunity for healthy dialogue where connection, clarity and true understanding can take place. It also may open the way for the right opportunities/situations for all.
I have learned the hard way that having crucial conversations via e-mail or text does not create understanding. Face to face, from the heart builds relationships and healing and our planet desperately needs more of this.
Yes, it is harder to get composed and share from a place of love than it is to get upset and rant at another. It is uncomfortable. We may have learned it is dangerous to do so. Look at why you do not share your authenticity, your true self face to face…and then take one step today, to be brave. To be an example for our children.
Crucial conversations bring healing and understanding. Talk!
#restorativepractices