It was an amazing summer full of backyard relaxation and work in the yard. It was a beautiful balance, a way to recharge from a hectic school year.
School is now back and on another blistering hot Saturday morning, I was about to set out for my morning jog. Neighbors were doing a neighborhood project outside my home and we got to talking. The discussion turned to the prior owners of my house and how the house looked. Maybe 3 times this neighbor told me that the prior owners kept the house immaculate. . . the yard was immaculate!
I eventually excused myself and went for my jog. What went through my mind was that this neighbor was basically telling me my house looked like shit even after the hours and hours of work I put into it regularly.
The trigger being I am not good enough.
This happens to us all. Someone says something that triggers our own stuff whether that is what the person meant or not. Our triggers give us clues of what else within needs healing.
My first feeling was one of utter shock at them saying this to me. I felt the judgment loud and clear.
My second feeling was anger. I actually turned around from my jog so I could go back and tell them that we do our best. . . but I thought twice about that and continued on my way.
My third feeling was sadness. It brought up those feelings of unworthiness. Those words felt like a slap in the face because of the big love and care I put into this home.
My final feeling was one of acknowledgment. I looked around and realized this person was right! Wow! It’s true. My yard is not immaculate. . . but I’m actually ok with that. This person only mirrored some thoughts I had about my front yard and some things I wanted to do and my own judgements I had about it. It actually motivated me.
That moment lead me to my favorite affirmation which states: I am doing my best and my best is enough. That made me smile and love on myself a bit.