This subject has been my toughest lesson of my life. My twenties was not a joy ride. I pretended it was when I declared that college was my country club.

In truth I was battling demons which continued throughout that decade. I write more about this in my memoir, P.E. for the Soul. However, to put it simply, I would spend the rest of my life trying to heal from the choices I made during that decade.

My brain—or should I say, my monkey brain—is quite interesting.

The term “monkey mind or mind monkey originates from Chinese xīnyuán or Sino-Japanese shin’en (心猿), a word that literally means “heart-mind monkey.” It is a Buddhist concept that describes a state of restlessness, capriciousness, and lack of control in one’s thoughts.”

I find that my brain takes pleasure in ruminating or obsessing, causing immense discomfort and distraction. It can keep me from experiencing joy and contentment, intimacy and love.

Trust me, I’ve done just about every healing modality you can think of. Sometimes I feel the ultimate peace and freedom. But healing isn’t just a one time gig. As each layer of the onion comes to light, I often realize there is more to forgive, heal and love.

These are some tools that help me when monkey brain rears it’s dark head and tells me I’m not worthy. Practicing forgiveness and compassion are key.

• I talk to myself as if I’m talking to a stranger, a young person or friend. What would I tell them? Would I remind them of how horrible they are or would I remind them of their light? Would I tell them that they did the best they could, in that moment, with the information and experiences they had? Would I offer a hug? Damn straight. I know I wouldn’t tear them down but I’d lift them up! Why then would we not talk to ourselves in this compassionate way?

• I get out of my head and right into my heart by practicing HeartMath, a research based program. Meditation or mindfulness can connect us back into our heart.

• I practice the Ho’oponopono meditation, an ancient Hawaiian practice of forgiveness. I remember being fascinated by a doctor who swore it helped his patients. It is said “Dr. Hew Len is connected to the modern version of Ho’oponopono, ‘Self-Identity Through Ho’oponopono’ (SITH). He is said to have worked at a psychiatric facility where he used Ho’oponopono. He reviewed patient files and repeated phrases like ‘I love you,’ ‘I am sorry,’ ‘Please forgive me,’ and ‘Thank you.’ He believed these phrases aided the patients’ healing, which led to the facility’s eventual closure. “

• Sometimes I do a body scan so I can release painful energy out of my body and then fill my cup back up with loving truths or affirmations.

• Most importantly, I continue to show up. I very imperfectly choose love one day at a time. Sure, I stumble and I fall. Would that not make me human?

Curious to dive deeper? I’d love to share more through my online courses and books.