Relationships: Friendships

There is a story I tell myself.

It goes something like this. Friends will disappoint you, leave you, hurt you . . . it always happens. And sure, if I focus on this story or believe this story then it continues to manifest over and over again. Or does it?

At times I have felt hurt by what someone says or does. And in that moment I wonder . . . what’s wrong with me?

Then I get to claim victimhood, which is comfortable, even if it is not helpful.

It’s familiar.

But if I’m really honest with myself I can see all of those times friends have included me, invited me, reached out to me and I pushed them away, in some way, for whatever reason. I have hurt others.

Groups are uncomfortable for me. Closeness, affection and intimacy are also uncomfortable as much as I desire it.   I once shared this dilemma with a close friend and she said “You ain’t getting rid of me sistah.” We are still good friends today.

It’s important to keep perspective and be truthful with self. We always get to make a choice, create our own happiness and live the life we desire. We are the masters of our ship. What we focus on is what we’ll see. 

I have wonderful people in my life, close friends. And I’ve come to realize I’m a tad bit complicated. I need people in my life yet recognize my struggle with it.  So I can be honest with myself, accept my imperfections and show up another day, choosing love and happiness. We always have a choice.

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