What is your favorite type of weather?

When I was growing up, every winter I fell into a dark hole. It started when I was about 11 or so.

I don’t really know what came first. Was it obsessive compulsive disorder or depression? I remember the first time I experienced depression. I didn’t understand what it was but I knew that I felt weird, off, like nothing. When I tried to seek advice I was told it was depression and I needed to shake it off. I didn’t know how.

Another memory stands out. The obsessions were so dark and scary that I was afraid I was going to do something bad. The images were vivid and intrusive and wouldn’t stop. I was terrified!

I remember that it was winter and during December. While everyone else appeared happy and excited while we looked for our Christmas tree or went to gatherings, I was trying to get through each minute.  I was in a terrifying place and barely present. I felt completely crazy and just wanted it to stop.

As I grew up I realized that the dark times appeared during late winter. My happiest moments were always during the summer when it was hot. I realized I spent so much time craving the heat waves and summertime fun.  I couldn’t wait for those times to come, how brief they were.

There were so many things I did during the summer that brought me such joy and happiness. To this day, those are some of my favorite memories.

I think back to when I was about five. It’s raining outside and I feel sad and don’t know why.

Throughout my life, when moments like that happened, I chased anything that made me feel good again or not anxious. Unfortunately, that led me to a new host of problems in my early twenties. You can read more about that in my memoir, PE for the Soul.

As an adult, is it no wonder I moved to a place that has a hot climate? Not only do I now have the tools to combat depression, I also choose places that I know will bring me joy.

It’s true that at any time we can change our limiting beliefs and ideas about who we are. But I’m also not going to fight my natural flow. I was freezing every winter growing up and now I feel at home. 

I can honestly say that the weather can reflect my mood.