Many of us don’t like to hurt or disappoint others. Many times we do things we don’t really want to do because the thought of letting another down is soul crushing. We feel things intensely so we ignore the tiny whispers, the gentle nudging and we can talk ourself into just about anything.
And in the process we bury a part of ourselves.
I have to constantly check in with myself. I had a situation recently in which the partnership I was about to enter into was intense. Our conversation was sometimes heated so I told myself that no matter what, I will be authentic and share how I feel. I really wanted it to work!
After I felt that the person was mad at me again for expressing myself, I asked the universe what this lesson was about. This person kept affirming they were more excited about the project than me. I WAS excited about the project and I WAS going through with it! So what were they picking up on?
I woke up and sat with my feelings and really listened deeply to all of myself. I realized two things. First, I entered into this partnership because I was feeling impatient not hearing back from others. I had an amazing experience with this person in the past so I reached out. When I realized how excited they were, I didn’t want to let them down even after what I really wanted became available.
The second thing was that I knew what I wanted and it wasn’t this. I want to have a good energy exchange with the person I work with. They knew what they wanted and I knew what I wanted and it wasn’t a match.
When we please others at the expense of ourselves everyone loses. I knew what I needed to do. I canceled the appointment at the last minute and paid them for their time.
Through the process, I tried to be authentic and express myself freely. I was also open to possibilities and learning. However, In the end and after our last conversation, I knew it wasn’t right.
I’ve since had some good crucial dialogue with the person and it’s opening up new doors.
Have you checked in with yourself lately? It’s sometimes very hard but totally empowering.